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Oh hello.
I'm finding this really weird but yes, I just find this urge to blog!
The last time I last wrote on this platform was almost 2 years ago. I wonder if anyone would ever read this post but who cares, I just feel like blogging and writing again.
So, where should I start? Hmm.. from the last post, of course it's been 2 odd years since I got married. and yup, Mr B is now my husband. I was looking back at some old postings and saw my entries and how I met that man many years ago. everything seems surreal. fairytale it may be not, cos honestly, the journey for us both wasn't easy. it was tough. it was challenging. we almost didn't make, I almost walked away. but yet again, Allah must have put me through all those heartbreaks to make me stand tall again.
Life have been wonderful. I am at this stage of my career where I can be a little proud of my achievements. I climbed up the ladder slowly to where I am now. Slowly and eventually there. Being in my thirties now somehow makes me even wanna work harder to be able to provide for not only myself but my family.
I had an awesome 2012. I must admit, all the great things happen after I got married. well, i wouldn't say that marriage is easy stuff. it takes a lot of commitment. it takes a lot of patience but most importantly, it takes a lot of courage to stay in the relationship and accept the flaws of your spouse. the first few months of marriage was a challenge. it was the hardest stage of my life even. i had to somehow change my lifestyle and at the same time convinced myself that I have a whole new family to consider my own. things are really different when you live under the same roof. i felt like i married a stranger! but Gadaffi somehow changed over time. he made an effort to be a better man for me and his family. well, i of course did not marry the most perfect man. he have his flaws and so do I. but knowing that he's willing to change to be somewhat a better person is definitely something that I support of. like they say, men who repents makes the best husbands. i try and convince myself to that statement somehow. Haha.
Health wise, all seems to be going pretty well. 2011 was a diffcult year for me. i got sick too many times. was on numerous medications and treatments. needles were my faithful best friend that point of time. i was at the verge of giving up. but i saw how my mother always had my back. she was there giving me the best support to fight my illness. she was my rock! and i got better and better after almost 8 months struggling to find my health back. and its been more then a year now, my doctor declared me stable and healthy and best news ever, when he gave me the green light to conceive.
And when we talk about having children, I have not been lucky enough like many others to actually have the chance to have a stable safe pregancy. due to all those medications which I stuffed myself over the last years, my doctors told me to stay low till I get rid off those toxics out of me. But syukur, since a year back, i have been put off many of those nasty medications and now on very low dosage of maintance tablets. i have been stable and can safely conceive as per doctor's advise.
Travelling was definitely the highlight of my life so far. family holiday in London. my second honeymoon in Maldives. trip with the in laws to Mekah to perform umrah and my numerous KL visits were just awesome. but of course, nothing beats the feeling of being in Allah's home.
I am never a strict pious Muslim to start with. But never judge my ultimate faith in Allah. It was like a dream come true when i stepped foot in Madinah and Mekah. I learnt so much abt Islam. I love the religion even more and I was in awed when I saw the Kaabah for the very first time. I could never describe the feeling in words but yes, Allah is that great. I met so many wonderful people whilst my 2 weeks stay. I learnt so much, at times i asked Allah, what i have done to have deserve this wonderful chance to be invited to this very special place. But i know, Allah have HIS reasons. HE noes best :)
If you ask me, if I would ever turn back time, my answer is yes & no. despite the hurdles and tough moments that I went through before I got married, I'm glad it happened then and not when both Gadaffi and I were married. It was tough, Allah noes, but it made me stronger and wiser. It makes me value the people around me much more. It makes me sane. But syukur, Allah is kind. HE made me fall real hard but picked me up once again to see all the wonderful things in life now.There are things which I think I would have changed back then. I would have love to meet some people I really missed. seriously, they come in my dreams way too often now..it's scary.
Life is a journey. You wake up everyday thanking HIM for another day. You also ask for strength. I have no complains when it comes to my life now. my family is my rock. my job is something i'm really proud of. my friends are amazingly supportive and my health have been at its best, alhamdulillah.
Allah have given me so much than I could ever ask for. what more can i say. life have been good. Syukur.
I hope I will write again soon. with more happier notes and things to share.
