Wednesday, April 19, 2006 @ 1:06 PM
At werk now, bz shifting all my stuffs to my new werk station. Juz had lunch with the usual colleagues and leaving to Woodlands soon. Its game day, like always, i have to be there preparing for team meeting and also paying the necessary allowances. The weather have been bad lately, its raining heavily here at Jurong Island. I hope it will subside soon. its hard to run around the stadium when the rain is falling bad. *sigh*
Yesterday, i went to visit faces i have not seen for a long long time. Heart wrecking? tell me abt it. i was sumhow feeling soo emotional last nite, seein the faces of those kids i've long left. they are all grown up now. esp the little gerl whom i adore soo much, she's all big & pretty now. Gosh i miss them. but wat touches me most is seeing the face of a woman i considered like my own. she's like my own mum. i have never, i repeat never, forgotten her love & care all tis while. she is still very much a part of me. n i miss her. i realli do. i decided not to stay long cos i cant take it no more. i miss the kids, i miss the lady and i miss everyone there. i could have break down anytime last nite, but i kept tellin myself, i have to be strong and face everythin with a open heart...
I did.
I left the home, kissing every single kids whom i've left for god noes how long and they still remember me. My heart felt heavy, i felt like bursting any time at tat moment. i kept chanting my prayers, i kept asking myself to be strong. For god noes, when i will ever meet them all again. will they still remember me the next time i meet them? will they ever noe how much i adore them, till tis very day.
But the worst part was bidding my goodbye to her. The kisses, the hugs and those tears i will never forget. how could i ?? how could i let tears flow from the woman i consider my mum. i hurt her, maybe. but she noes better, im very much hurt by everythin as well. n hugging her was the best feeling ever. i miss the warmth of her hugs and kisses, i used to get tat all the time. N only god noes how painful it is to be parted from the family. i dun only lose the person i love, i lost them, the family.
My heart was numb. i felt like a zombie walking aimlessly. i felt sick.
N when i reached home, she called, crying over the phone. It breaks my heart hearing every word tat she said last nite. n once again, i shouldnt have let those tears flow from her, cos of me. I pray hard tat everythin will be fine soon. i dun wish to hear her cries no more. not from someone i respected and adore all this while.
I told my family abt it, abt how miserable i was feeling last nite. They share my grief, they shared my pain. Cos they are all aware of things happening around me.
I went to bed, missing them very much. Esp the kids. N her of course.
Allah, give me strength to overcome this path once more.
Cos for wat it may be, im accepting my fate with my heart open.
And today, Ernie told me somethin tat broke my heart even more.
Oh God, when will all tis end.
When everythin in life is almost perfect,
There's tis path where im always lost in.
Dear God, give me strength, pls.
Take care peepz,
God Bless.
