I had dinner with Emily at Fish & Co. Bugis last nite.

Abg Awie & Kak Ani joined us after they were done at the saloon.

I had a long long chat with Emily over a lot of issues.

I nearly break down while confiding in her. I felt so hurt & depressed.

Even along the journey to Bugis, while i was exchanging sms'es with Anna, i silently weep reading her replies till i get stares from people in the train.

Yesterday wasn't a good day in fact.

I was not in the best of mood.

The exchanged sms'es i had with him killed me.

For the first time in my life, i sensed somethin is not rite.

N for the very first time in my life too, i am giving up.

Yes, u heard it right, im giving up.

While im typing this, my heart is breaking and ya, im crying.

Cos saying tat im giving up is the most difficult thing to say.

But after sending those sms'es and i got no replies, i realise, its finally over.

I shouldn't hope anymore.

Before i went to bed last nite, i chatted over msn with again, two of my finest ladies.

Anna & Emily.

I asked them, should i or should i not give up?

They both answered NO.

Anna told me to fight for wat i love, Emily told me never to give up hope.

But i see no ending to this.

I can never see things working out well again, for us.

He still blames me for everytin tat happened.

But yet, he still misses me.

Contradicting??

Then imagine how i feel.

Only God noes how much i suffered thru out the ordeal .

It realli wasn't easy.

I sumhow feel like a beggar at times.

I realli feel 'small'.

So i asked myself, till when i have to keep on hoping??

I am at the verge of breaking down anytime soon.

Tats y, i have to keep myself sane all this time.

I told Anna & Emily how bless i am having them around checking up on me each & everytime.

I cried while chatting over msn last nite till i excuse myself to bed, weeping to sleep.

I wake up with a head as heavy as a rock and i got no choice but to hail a cab to werk tis morning.

Like i say, im finally giving up.

Im waving my white flag up.

I surrender.

I dun think i can go on anymore cos i will only end up hurting myself.

Insyallah, time will heal all the pain away.

Of course, i can never erase the years of memories we shared.

Tats the only gift i have of us, our memories.

The beautiful white gown, my dream home and my cute little baby girl,

All tat will not come true now or anytime soon.

Its will forever will be my dream tat never will come true.

Soon enuff, i am gonna shut tis blog down as well.

I find its time i go private and built myself up again.

I have 200+ readers everyday, most of them knew how much pain i went thru ( minus ira & gang of course )

But tat 1 particular person tat reads, can never get the point.

Sumtimes strangers feel for u much more than ur own.

I have to agree with tat.

In time to come, this blog will be history as well.

Allah have better plans for me.

I noe tat very well.

So please bless me people, cos i realli need lots of tat.

Excuse me as i make my way now.

Cos i need time to mend tis realli tattered heart of mine.