Time is indeed a big factor in life huh?
I have been thru enuff to realise so many things around me changing.
I suffered & nearly lost my faith.
I cried till there is no more tears to spare.
But one thing i regret, my mum have to go thru this ordeal with me.
I can never forget the tears in her eyes.
Those eyes so full of love hoping the best for her daughter.
A mum with a heart so pure wanting to take away my pain & let her suffer instead.
Tell me, how can i ever be selfish and hurt my mum over & over again??
Tats y i promised myself, i shall NEVER, hopefully, cry in her presence anymore.
I would rather keep this torture deep in myself rather than having her to share it with me.
But no matter how i try to keep things from her, she will sumhow noe tat i am at my lowest.
Like last nite, i was home right after werk and felt realli sick!
But i decided not to tell her and just laze on my bed and of course, i was missing sumbody very much.*sob*
She came into my room and told me to eat my dinner.
I politely turn down her offer and told her im not hungry.
Then she sat right beside me.
Looked at me and asked,
" u r sick right?? til when u wanna
hold on & not let go of ur past? till when u wanna let the memories play in ur mind? " HOW CAN SHE EVER READ MY MIND???????
I have never once told my family abt wat im going thru.
I just wish they noe tat im coping well and moving on fine.
The only people i usually rant my heart to, Anna and of course my sweet Emily.
There are the only people i relate to for now.
I decided to lay low and just concentrate in building myself up again.
N each time if i blog abt it, i will get nasty tags saying im still " terhegeh-hegeh" or i cant accept the fact tat its over.
I have since accepted the fact and moved on.
Less contacts, no meet ups.
N i am trying my very best to move on and mend this very broken heart of mine.
I noe wat i want in life.
I have it all planned out since 6 years ago.
But something happened and my whole life changed.
Therefore, i guess its impossible for me to still hope tat wat i plan will come true.
I believe tat in life, we are only allowed to plan and pray tat it will turn out the way u want it to be.
At the end of the day, even if i cry blood, nothin would change a heart tat is already tattered and so full of hatred and anger.
I noe, he is feeling all tat.
N for myself, im living my life with people i trust and those i love like my own.
Its all abt me & only me.
Life have to go on. I wake up every single day hoping my day will be better.
Alhamdulillah, altho i still feel the loss badly, i am coping well.
If ever one day i bumped into him again, i will never look him in the eyes.
Cos i looked at those very eyes 6 years of my life and never get bored of it.
So its finally time, i get tat eyes of my mind and move on.
I jolly well noe, things will never be like before once more.
The day he walk away, i noe he have made up his mind and his decision was final.
Time will heal all the wounds.
But i hope, time will never take away all my memories.
Cos only the memories, tat keeps me alive till this very day.
Have a good Friday peepz!
