He asked,

" When will you be ready to love again? "

I sat there, stunned.

Tats something i could never answer.

He asked me last nite,

If I am still very sore over my past.

The truth is,

Yes.

I still am.

But i am trying my very best to move on.

I am definitely lettin go.

I am definitely trying to live life anew.

I am, for sure hoping for my happy ending sooner or later.

But i guess i need time.

As for now,

I am busy building myself up again.

To talk abt love is a totally different issue altogether.

Its not tat im NOT sure of him.

Nope.

He's been the sweetest so far.

Its just tat im NOT sure my heart is ready to love once more.

How can i be with someone when im still mending this tattered heart??

To commit in a relationship once more is something im not certain of.

As much as i wanted so much to settle down soon,

But im still very half hearted when it comes to commiting myself.

I can't imagine myself being someone's new girlfriend.

Yup,

I can never imagine tat.

It gives me goosebumps just thinking abt it.

I wish i am much stronger.

I seen people falling out of relationships and be in another soon after.

But i can't !

I dun noe y lah..

But i just can't.

Since i was 18,

I was already in a serious relationship.

6 yrs down the road,

I see nothing out of it.

He was still not sure if i was the one.

In fact, the proposal never came even once.

I was with someone for barely a year plus,

And tat man was all ready to marry me.

N tat was the first time i even said YES.

You see the gap there?

N there used to be a saying,

Marry someone who loves you, Dont marry someone you love.

True enuff.

Cos someone who loves you will treasure you well.

The one you love will take you for granted.

Well, pardon me if im wrong.

But tats wat happen to me.

Its my real life testimonial.

I used to hurt tat someone who loves me.

I ended up getting hurt back.

So tat explains why i am such a strong believer of karma.

I heard people saying things like,

" she deserved it, she hurt people and now she's getting it rite back at her."

You noe wat?

Im not least offended.

Its the truth.

N im living with it.

Of course i regret.

But i dun believe in turning back now.

I have turned back many many times this past few years.

N i promised myself,

I shall not turn back no more.

I believe tat no one can change fate and destiny.

HE decides our lives.

We pray and hope for the best.

HE decides wat to do.

I leave my life in HIS hands.

Dear Mr B,

I appreciate you being there for me all this while,

If its not for your guidance,

I wouldn't be nearer to Allah like i am now.

I appreciate your effort.

I appreciate those trips to the mosque together.

I appreciate those religious books you bought me.

I appreciate your advices and patience.

Give me time.

I hope i will open up again.

Its thru my blog tat we managed to create such a beautiful bond.

Remember that very first email u sent me?

Remember that friendster smile and invitation to the mosque?

Remember tat very first time we actually meet and say our first Hi?

I appreciate all those moments.

Like Sri mentioned before,

You might be an angel Allah sent for me.

Indeed you are.

I never had a date to the mosque by a man before.

You are the first.

Tat makes you my angel u noe. *smiles*

Dear Mr B,

Like wat you told me last nite,

You'll wait.

But i dun noe till when the waiting will last.

For watever the outcome will be,

I hope it will be the best for the both of us.

Even if you were to meet someone better along the wait,

I will be happy for you.

For now,

Im glad you understand tat im still in a midst of building up myself once more.

Insyallah,

When my past is ready to be burried for good,

N you are still there waiting,

Then we'll see how things goes.

But again,

Thank you for everything.

I noe you will be reading this,

From the bottom of my heart,

Thank you for being an angel.

Salam'