I never thought this would happen.

Well it finally did.

It came to me as a huge suprise.

I was shocked of course.

But i guess she must have her reasons for doing this.

Dear Efni,

I have never wanted to reveal anything publicly about what the 3 of us went thru.

But since you tagged leaving ur domain name and told me to tell my frens the truth abt wat happen between us, then i shall try my best and do my part.

Its been more than 6 months now.

I sumhow kinda get over it bit by bit.

Thats how long we have not been talking or communicating with each other.

I have my reasons.

You have yours.

I respect that.

N for watever the reason that have caused this 7 years of friendship,

LEt me take the blame.

Yes, i am to be blame for all the damage done.

Its my fault to start with.

N frankly,

I deserved it.

To be realli honest,

I have not been reading your blog since a few months ago.

Not only urs,

I have not been reading a handful of them in fact.

I totally stop.

Till yesterday when you tagged,

I have no choice but go to yours.

But it will remain like tis.

I will refrain myself from reading yr entries or theirs

I only write my entries and blog hop while im in the office.

Sure enuff,

You have not seen my company ip during the last few months lately.

Cos i told myself,

There's nothing more to look forward for.

I can never be a part of the big family there.

I realise tat there will never be a space for someone like me anymore.

I take my leave,

I move on to something else.

Yes Efni,

I noe wat you are capable of.

N i noe,

You wont stoop tat low to start hate tagging me watsoever.

It never once crossed my mind that it was you or anybody from tat side.

Just like how well u noe me,

I noe you tat well too.

The never say die attitude of yours will forever be in my mind.

N yes,

We are different.

Cos to me,

My frens are always right.

Even if they make a big silly mistake,

I will still think they are right.

Yes,

Even if they kill sumone and i witness it,

I will never utter a word and make a living hell out of my fren.

Tats how different i am compared to you i guess.

I am very protective and defensive towards people i value.

But im sorry,

I guess you misunderstood some of my entries as well as my fren's.

Watever mentioned in Frosty's entry was not directed to you or to her at any point.

If you noticed a week ago,

I received a hate tag saying tat i neglected my 2 best frens.

N i have no idea who tat came from.

So wat Frosty was trying to imply was directing to the hate tagger.

She noe nothing abt you efni.

Even when i called her up yesterday telling her abt this issue,

She was clueless.

In fact, she confused you to the other E.

No doubt abt it,

You misunderstood wat she wrote.

N i hope that cleared the air.

As for my case,

I admit it was and still is my fault.

Yes Efni,

I caused the frenship to go down the drain.

I shouldnt have asked u both to do all those stuffs for me.

I should have jolly well know that i should be responsible for my own action.

I shouldnt have asked you people to cover my ass for me.

I shouldnt have asked you people to lie for me.

I shouldnt have asked you people to be middle person in my personal love story.

I shouldnt have done all tat.

I shouldnt have placed you people in a situation where you all have to create so many lies as so that i will not be caught red handed watsoever.

Yes, i shouldnt have asked my best frens to do all tat for me.

It caused me the friendship.

Cos i was blinded by love,

I totally lost it.

Time and again,

I mentioned tat i am a strong believer of karma.

I believe tat watever heartbreak i went thru the last few months was due to my own wrong doing.

I was naive.

I was foolish.

N the last few months was a living hell for me.

Not till i met this bunch of wonderful people who pick me up and share my broken life.

Dear Efni,

There is nothing abt me that i should me proud of.

Absolutely nothing.

I have no great education like you both.

I was never once a poly graduate like you both.

I can never get a well paid job like wat u both are holding now.

I am just a small fry compared to you both.

N i surely realise that.

N when you tagged me asking me not tell my frens the truth in order not to let them hate you or her,

I took some time and wonder.

What else have i done this time.

I did my part.

I stayed away far from your life and also the others.

I even stayed away from your blogs.

But tat doesnt mean i totally forgotten abt all you people.

No.

Never once.

7 years of memories is far too much to be erased.

I keep all those deep in my heart cos it will be with me for a lifetime.

You noe how heartbreaking it was last year celebrating Ramadhan and Hari Raya without you bunch????

I can never put in words just how shitty the feeling is.

Cos all thru our 7yrs of frenship,

The 2 Es have been a daily essential in my life.

When it was fated tat very day tat i was supposed to lose you people,

It was just like me losing my right and left arm.

I felt crippled.

Yes, i kept this for a long time.

Let me just admit what i have done.

For being an ungrateful fren all this while.

For watever reason why i felt so hurt,

Let it just be for me to noe.

All i have to do here is to admit my mistakes.

N i did.

Dear Efni,

Please bear in mind tat i have never once forgotten all those sacrifices you people have done.

Those times where you both were there sharing your shoulders for me to cry on.

Those times where you both stood by me at the hospital bed all thru tat 5 days.

Those times where you both will hear me cry over the phone in the middle of the nite when im in distress.

Those times will be appreciated for a lifetime.

You may call me a hypocrite or an egoistic person as i may seem.

But like you claimed in your blog entry,

You noe me better.

So lets just leave it tat way for now.

Cos if you realli look back,

The cause of all this mishap is due to my failed relationship.

Yes, my relationship was not personal at all.

Too much interference from a lot of different parties.

N i am too be blame for going thru so many channels.

I reveal too much abt my relationship and i guess too many involvement caused this turmoil.

N becos of this turmoil,

Everything went downfall.

Just becos of my failed relationship,

I lost so many precious ones.

It was hard to accept at first.

Esp when i was mending my broken heart alone when i was soo used and dependent on you both around me.

Waking up every single day knowing tat you lose 2 of your best frens is not something i am proud of.

As time goes by,

I get the see a clearer picture of things.

N i decided,

I have to go.

As much as i wanted things to be better,

I never see any light in this very dull atmosphere.

If you think im trying to behold new frenship from people who doesnt noe abt my past.

I dun do tat.

Most of them who reads this blog will noe how i keep blaming myself each and

everytime due to my own worng doings the last time.

I am moving on Efni.

Yes i am.

With this wonderful people i met along the way.

But nobody can ever take the place of you both in my life.

Nobody.

7 yrs of sharing our lifes together is no joke to me.

Since i lost the frenship,

I only have memories to hold on to and live with.

I hope i get my message across this time.

Let's live our lives as individuals with no grudges watsover.

If you dun regard me as a fren,

I respect tat.

To me,

You still are a fren tat i will remember till the last day of my life.

N dear readers,

I hope no more tags will be posted regards to tis personal issue of me and Eyume.

It ends here and here.

Salam'