.:: ... Nadya Camelia ... ::.

Thursday, January 31, 2008 @ 9:09 AM

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For 3 long years,

I have been penning down my life for all to read.

I shared my sorrows,

I let out my pain.

I was an aimless soul with no directions in life.

I was hurt,

Realli bad,

No words can ever describe the heartbreak i went thru.

I live everyday in fear.

In fear of not being able to see another tomorrow.

As i was aimless and empty the time before,

Thoughts of ending my life often lingered in my mind.

I thought if i die,

I wouldn't have to face and go thru all those hardships anymore.

I wanted a short way out.

I wanted to cut short my life.

Period.

You see,

Love is not only a word.

It is a very emotional feeling that controls the emotion.

Love once conquered me,

Love once took control of my life,

Love nearly turned me into somebody nobody could ever imagine.

I turned to a slave,

Just for love.

Was it worth it?

Were the miseries i went thru an experience.

Yes indeed.

That was the biggest downfall in my entire life.

I fell realli hard,

I fell realli bad,

I have nothing around me,

I only have my family and my best fren wiping my every tears.

From there,

I decided to pen down my sorrows,

Cos i noe,

Bottling up my feeling will cause me more damage.

I was on medication,

Like someone ever mentioned,

I am a crazy woman if i turned hysterical.

Oh yes,

It was that bad.

I ended up being hospitalized for 5 long days,

I even developed bedsores,

But you noe wat,

I heard people claiming i was faking my illness.

So it seemed that doctors decided to admit me,

Even when they found out there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.

*big sigh*

But all that was the past.

It was indeed a great turning point in my life.

Cos if i have not gone thru all those miseries,

I wouldnt be this strong,

I wouldnt be this lucky. *smiles*

I indulged myself in blogging to let out my inner most feelings.

I wanted to just share my experience with all, esp those broken hearted ones.

I wish they noe,

They are not alone.

I am not ashamed to admit that i was unfaithful before.

I am even guilty of hurting so many people around me.

I am charged badly for all my wrong doings.

So many people called frens left.

They decided to part ways and carry on life without me.

Like they say,

People come and go in your life,

Accept it,

Move on.

I lost my best frens,

I lost my cousins i grew up with,

I lost so much in life before,

I am so afraid of losing everything that i have now.

Experience thought you alot.

I decided that in this current life,

I wanna live simple,

I wanna live well.

Thanks to this blog,

I met a number of amazing people along the way.

They have become a part of me, for sure.

I dun care if they claimed,

I seek sympathy to gain frenship,

Cos if tats the case,

I dun mind stooping that low and in the end,

I have a wonderful set of people i can call my own.

N while i was busy picking myself up once more,

I met Mr B.

The man who changed my life and make me whole again.

When i thought i could never love anyone else,

I was wrong indeed.

Cos as the days goes by,

I fall deeply and deeply in love with him.

I never noe where this relationship will lead us to,

I let Allah decide wats best for me & him.

If we are meant to be together,

Insyallah we will be happy forever.

For now,

I leave everything in the hands of God.

Let HIM decide,

HE noes best. *smiles*

There is so much life has got to offer.

Im thankful Allah let me live this long to enjoy the pleasure of it.

I have more faith than ever.

I am confident to face the world.

I am anxiously living for a better tomorrow.

Therefore, i need to lay low and concentrate on building life as it is.

I wanna thank all of you who have been constantly wishing me well.

I wanna thank all of you who have never failed to send me encoraging words.

I wanna thank all of you who prayed for my well being.

I wanna thank you all gorgeous strangers for being a part of me.

To my lovelies whom i get the honor of meeting up and get acquainted with,

I wanna thank you all for playing a huge role in my life.

To Mr B,

I wanna thank you for never letting go of my hand despite everything and anything.

I pray everyday hoping for the best for the both of us.

Insyallah, all our dreams will come true.

To my haters,

I understand how you all feel towards me.

I can never force you people to like me.

I respect your perception,

I respect your views.

If its meant to be that you people just cant stand the sight of me,

Too bad.

There is nothing i can do to change your mind.

For watever it may be,

I wanna thank you for still having me in your thoughts. *smiles*

With that,

I said my piece.

Dear all,

Thank you for making this journey a wonderful one.

I am wat i am now,

Thanks to you all wonderful souls.

Thank you for the experience,

Thank you for the great memories.

Please do keep in touch.

Email me.

Friendster link me.

May Allah bless you all with never ending happiness always.

Remember,

Allah will never give up on us, if we never give up on ourselves.

I am a perfect example of a wrecked human being before.

But with all the blessings,

With all the love,

With all the concern,

I am definitely a brand new person once again.

With that,

I bid my last goodbye.

Salam'