Tuesday, September 04, 2007 @ 8:39 AM
I was carrying her in my arms.
She was smiling right back at me.
Her eyes pierced thru my heart.
I can vividly remember those tiny little hands of hers,
Her smell,
Her thick curly hair.
She looks exactly like an angel glowing with that light on her face.
Looking right at her makes me feel at ease.
I can sense the bond we both share.
I love her,very much.
But each time i have her in my arms,
It would never be for long.
An old lady dressed in white will come by and carry her away from me.
And each time she is taken away from me,
I felt a huge lump in my throat.
My heart felt so heavy,
It nearly went numb.
I will cry each and every time i had that dream.
Yup, its only a dream.
But it keeps coming back to me much to often.
Slowly, its eating me up bit by bit.
I dun noe how to explain just how painful this feeling is.
I felt the loss.
I felt the loss very much as days goes by.
Its been months since i had that dream coming back to me each and every nite.
As much as i love having that little bundle of joy in my arms,
I hated it very much when she is taken away from me.
I dun noe who and from where that old lady came from.
But one thing for sure,
Each time when she appeared in my dreams,
She will just smile and slowly take that baby girl away from my grip.
But why does the pain feel so real?
But why does my heart aches so much when she's taken away?
But why must i cry in devastation each time i wakes up from that dream?
Its sumhow a sign i noe.
But i can never totally relate to that dream of mine.
It is almost impossible for me to totally ignore the dream.
Cos i have that baby's face pictured in my mind everywhere i go.
All i can do now,
Is spare an Al-fateha for that little sweetheart.
Whoever that baby girl might be,
I am totally in love with her.
I can sumhow feel as if she's my own.
Call me crazy,
I dun care.
But i noe sumhow,
She is definitely a part of me.
Cos if not,
Why would she appear in my dreams with that beautiful little smiling face every nite??
As im typing this entry,
I am tearing apart.
Yes, im even crying.
The pain is that much.
So little stranger,
Im gonna give you a name,
This name is given by someone you noe,Or perhaps you dun even noe him at all cos he had never once cared.You, my Dina Felisha will forever appear in my dream.
I dun care who you maybe,
But i am totally attached to you by now.
Cos for all i noe,
You are my little baby. I noe you people out there will be calling me crazy.
Trust me, When you dream of something this real over and over again,
Then you tell me how heartbreaking it will be.
Nobody can relate how i feel abt this dream of mine.
Nobody can understand how beautiful that baby is in my dreams.
She is sooo beautiful,
Allah created her near to perfect.
I wanna see you coming to my dreams every nite even if it hurts me very much seeing you go.
Cos Dina Felisha,
I never fell so much in love with something before.
Allah must have wanted me to feel how its like loving a child like my own.
Baby Dina,
If its just not meant for me to be holding you during this lifetime of mine,
I shall see you in heaven.
But for now,
Just keep coming to me like you always do. Just come to me and nobody else.Not even to your daddy if you ever have one.Cos i dun think he ever believe in your existance as much as i do.
My Al-Fateha will always remain,
Only for you.
*sob*
Bless me everyone.
I am realli torn today.
Excuse me while i try to get myself together once more. N i noe many of you would say,Its only a dream.But trust me when i say this,I never had a dream this real before.
Till then,
Salam.
p.s :
farah darlz, hopefully you will make me smile later
alrite. *
hugz*
