As i was bloghopping a few days ago,
I was all smiles reading nice lovey dovey stories of couples so very much in love,
I was all smiles reading entries of great family outings and gatherings,
I was smiles reading great girls' outings and coffee sessions.
Like i mention time and again,
I am a sucker for great company and girly meet up sessions.
I love being surrounded by people i love and adore.
In another term,
I enjoy meeting people.
Period.
But yet again,
I stumble into blogs which pen lots of heartbreaks.
I stumble into blogs penning abt their lost love.
I stumble into blogs expressing their most depressed state.
Then i realise,
I was once like them before.
To be very honest,
Those memories have yet vanished from my mind.
I have heard people claiming i have forgotten my past,
I have people people claiming that i have forgotten my roots,
I have even heard people claiming that i am so into my new life that i have turned to a boastful person.
Well,
It saddens me of course.
Especially when i myself noe very well,
That my past made me what i am now.
No doubt,
Life is much better off than it used to be.
Great frens and undying love from all made me tall once more.
But tat does not mean i totally left my past behind.
True enuff,
In order to move on,
You gotta learn to let go.
Let go of all the heartaches,
Let go of all the grudges,
Let go of all the miseries,
But for once,
Dun ever let go of the memories.
By not admitting your past,
Its as bad being ashamed of your true self.
Come on,
We are all humans afterall,
We are prone to make mistakes in life.
Who are we to be judging others due to their past?
I have a bad past.
I was or perhaps still well hated by many.Heh.
But tat doesnt pull me down anymore.
At first,
I used to be so affected by what other people thought/wrote abt me.
I notice just how badly the negative remarks took a toll on my personal life.
Then i discover,
Why should i even be bothered abt all those remarks?
In the first place,
You can never stop the mouth from wagging, can you?
So as time goes by,
I am becoming more and more open in life.
You can say whatever u wanna bitch abt me.
Im gonna take it well, i hope. *smiles*
But dun get the unrelated,innocent parties involved.
Cos trust me,
I will get all paranoid abt it.
I took off my tagboard recently,
Due to all respect not to hurt any parties related.
I guess i have to accept the fact that im sharing my life with an audience out there.
I do very much try to keep my private life as personal as possible.
So that explains why till this very day,
I have yet reveal Mr B's true identity.
Its just not the time yet i suppose.
Altho its been 7 long months already, ( yeah its been tat long!)
I am still not ready to tell the world that we both are meant for each other.
Anything can happen rite?
A slightest thing can damage the frenship we both have created all along.
So why take the risk?
I have told Mr B numerous time,
I told him to keep his choices open still.
Dun restrict himself to me for now.
I reminded him time and again,
As long as we both are not formally attached,
He is still free to make other choices in his life.
Fair enuff.
Of course,
I enjoy and appreciate his company very much.
Tat man made me regain faith i thought i have lost along those painful journey,
But syukur,
His presence made life all even better than it used to be.
Those late nite suppers,
Those wonderful coffee sessions,
Those great car rides,
All those moments spent with Mr B is indeed something refreshing for me.
Cos to be very honest,
I have never once dated a man as firm yet fun like him.
When i first broke up with the ex,
I never believe that there would be any other man who would love me again.
Till i met Mr B.
I have never seen someone as determined as he is.
Many at times,
I wonder how he cope with all those rumours going ard abt me.
Well,
It must be hard dating someone and at the same time,
Hearing so many unpleasant things abt that girl.
He have heard it all.
From me sleeping around with footballers,
To me cheating on my ex bfs,
N of course the current hot one,
Me being a divorcee with a son.
You name it,
He heard them all.
Yet, he stood firm beside me all along.
For the whole 7months,
That man knew that i am still recovering over my past breakup,
Still, he played his part and help me move on.
I am here,
Glowing with love still,
All thanks to him.
Cos i think,
If it was any other man out there,
They would have long dumped a woman as problematic as me. *lol*
There's a saying,
Dun find love,
Let love find you.
Nevermind the wait,
Cos patience is virtue.
Allah will always grant a humble wish of yours.
Dun stop praying to HIM.
Pray that you will meet someone who loves you whole heartedly.
Pray that you will meet someone who accepts you for who you realli are.
Pray that you will meet someone who accepts your past and wanna live the future with you.
Insyallah,
Allah will make your wishes come true.
Allah granted many of my humble prayers.
Most importantly,
HE gave me the strength to pick up the pieces of my broken heart once again.
I once again have never forgotten my past,
Those people i may not be contact with anymore are still in my prayers every single day,
Cos up to this very day,
I often told anyone who fall out out love,
To Love Is Not To Own.
To love is to make sacrifices.
To love is seeing that someone you love happy,
Even if it means,
Seeing that someone you love happy with someone else.
Yes,
Love is that selfish afterall.
But trust me,
Allah created a soulmate for each and everyone of us.
If you have found them,
Good for you,
For those who are still searching,
Please do not give up hope just as yet.
maybe your soulmate is out there,
Still searching for you as well. Heh.
Cos when you finally meet the rite one,
Then you can sit back, chill and enjoy the remaining bits of your life together.
Just like how im currently enjoying mine as well.
After all the bumpy roads that i went thru,
After all the tears that i cried,
After all the sacrifices that i have made,
Finally i see light shinning on me again.
Please do not expect life to be a fairytale.
Please do not even think that all the happiness im having rite now comes overnite.
Please do not judge me by claiming that im taking advantage of the situation now.
Cos all that i have achieved till this very day does not come easy.
It cost me lots of tears,sacrifices and heartbreaks.
So ladies and gentlemen,
Does not mean my entries are all not sappy anymore means im taking life for granted.
Nope, i dun.
I treasure life and moments in life very much now.
Appreciate what you have,
Cherish the ones around you.
Insyallah,
Life would be better for all of us.
So let me conclude this entry of mine with this.
Till then.
Salam'
